So Sexy So Soon : The New Sexualized Childhood and What Parents Can Do to Protect Their Kids - Diane E. Levin, Ph.D & Jean Kilbourne, Ed.D

Summary:  Thong panties, padded bras, and risque Halloween costumes for young girls. T-shirts that boast "Chick Magnet" for toddler boys.  Sexy content on almost every television channel, as well as in books, movies, video games, and even cartoons.  Hot young female pop stars wearing provocative clothing and dancing suggestively while singing songs with sexual and sometimes violent lyrics.  These products are marketed aggressively to our children; these stars are held up for our young daughter to emulate--and for our sons to see as objects of desire.

Popular culture and technology inundate our children with an onslaught of mixed messages at earlier ages than ever before.  Corporations capitalize on this disturbing trend, and without the emotional sophistication to understand what they are doing and seeing, kids are getting into increasing trouble emotionally and socially; some may even engage in precocious sexual behavior.  Parents are left shaking their heads wondering: How did this happen?  What can we do?

So Sexy So Soon is an invaluable and practical guide for parents who are fed up, confused, and even scared by what their kids--or their kids' friends--do and say.  Diane E. Levin, Ph.D., and Jean Kilbourne, Ed.D., internationally recognized experts on early childhood development and the impact of the media on children and teens, understand that saying no to commercial culture -- TV, movies, toys, Internet access, and video games -- isn't a realistic or viable option for most families.  Instead, they offer parents essential, age-appropriate strategies to counter the assault.

Filled with savvy suggestions, helpful sample dialogues, and poignant true stories from families dealing with these issues, So Sexy So Soon provides parents with the information, skills, and confidence they need to discuss sensitive topics openly and effectively so their kids can just be kids.  (Summary from book - Image from www.dianeelevin.com )

My Review:  “Beth” usually wears a skintight top and low slung jeans. Like most girls, she worries about her weight and wonders whether boys find her attractive. She wants to be a superstar, like Lady Gaga, and loves singing along with I Like it Rough, while swaying her hips to the music. Beth isn’t 18, or 14, or even twelve-years-old. She’s seven. She wants to be “sexy,” and she has no idea what that means.

In recent years, a startling number of children, tweens, and teens have demonstrated signs of “early sexualization.” These children show an alarming interest in sexual behavior, language, and the exploration of sexual relationships, long before such behavior is considered developmentally appropriate. This sexualized childhood manifests in a variety of ways but is easily visible in the way young children dress, speak, and interact.

If you’re like me, and this trend scares you senseless, then So Sexy So Soon might be one of the most important parenting books you’ve ever read. Without proper guidance, children of all ages and genders can become confused by subtle and not-so-subtle messages found in popular culture (e.g. books, magazines, movies, television, the internet, music, music videos, video games, etc.). Through a series of unsettling examples and well-researched studies, this book shows the negative effects that early exposure to inappropriate imagery can have on our children. It also serves as a scathing indictment of industries that value profit over principle, targeting children through advertisement and spreading the idea that appearance determines an individual’s worth or personal happiness.

While we can and should control the flow of media into our own homes, our children will still receive mixed messages while standing in the checkout line, on the playground, from friends, or even older siblings. So Sexy So Soon alerts parents to possible dangers, but also provides useful ways to counteract harmful messages that slip through the cracks and promote healthy, age appropriate sexual development. For example, the authors describe how to establish relationships where children will feel comfortable asking questions or voicing concerns. They also provide tips for dealing with teenagers, combating negative stereotypes, teaching children how to evaluate images they encounter, and much more.

I read So Sexy So Soon with my three young daughters in mind, but there was plenty of information for families blessed with Y chromosomes. The authors’ explain how media and the early sexualization of young girls can negatively influence the perspective of young males. They also show how unrealistic standards of masculinity are established and maintained through early exposure to violent video games, music videos, toys, books, and other social media.

This book was a brutal wake-up call – the smack you in your face kind. It wasn’t always an easy read and occasionally blew things out of proportion, but it validated many of my concerns, helped identify other areas that need special attention, and offered reasonable solutions to problems I might encounter. I recommend this book as a compelling and invaluable resource to every parent who is concerned with the current trend towards sexualized childhood and looking for ways to limit media influence in the home.

My Rating: 5 Stars.  *I feel like I should qualify my rating because I'm wavering between 4 and 5 stars, depending on the day*  Occasionally this book slides into the sensational and scary.  In other words, it tries to scare the pants off you and most likely will succeed.  I gave this book five stars because I feel this book does a reasonably good job of addressing a subject that every parent should consider, NOT because every solution is perfect or the writing is amazing.

For the sensitive reader: Some frank discussion of sexual topics and media that kids might encounter. Some of the language used could be considered offensive, but I really felt it was necessary to illustrate the problems our children are likely to encounter.

Sum it up: A must read for any parent.

To learn more, visit the So Sexy So Soon website at http://www.sosexysosoon.com/ or click here to read the introduction.

Facing Forward : A Life Reclaimed - Reba D + GIVEAWAY

I will be giving this book to someone who really needs it.  See the bottom of this post for details.

Summary:  Like so many women, I wanted a home, children, a loving husband, and a pet.  When life didn't work out the way I'd hoped by the time I was 30, I started to panic.  I was actively looking for love when I met a man who would ultimately change my life and the lives of those closest to me.

This story has a happy ending.  Unfortunately, not all victims of domestic violence are so fortunate.  There are steps you can take to free yourself or help free someone you know.  Through my story, you'll find out how.  You will walk away with a better understanding of how someone can lose everything to an abuser -- and when she is ready, reclaim her life.

What would ever make a woman settle for someone she knew in her heart wasn't right?  Worse, what would make her stay in an abusive marriage or relationship once she realized the truth?  A lot of things, among them, shame and fear.  Shame of leaving, shame of failure, fear of his retaliation, fear of personal marital details becoming public in a divorce proceeding -- and fear of suffering socially or financially by a divorce.  For some, there's the fear of being alone.  If you're unable to understand this, be thankful.  But also be careful.  Prior to my marriage to the pastor, I would never have tolerated anyone treating me this way.  (Summary from book - Image from www.mondialbooks.com  - Book given free for review)

My Review:  Facing Forward is a heartbreaking account of one woman's struggle to endure nearly two years of verbal and physical abuse at the hands of her husband. I warn you, this story is both compelling and disturbing. Once I picked it up, I could think of little else. I read it all in a day because I could not go to sleep without seeing the author safely out of her marriage.

Reba’s husband Philip is a seemingly dedicated Lutheran pastor, affectionate and attentive when he has an audience, but frightfully domineering and vindictive behind closed doors. Almost immediately after the wedding (and to be perfectly honest, even before it), Philip begins to insult Reba and berate her for the smallest of perceived offenses. To make matters worse, Philip's parents – who are, quite possibly, the most offensive, psychotic, and dysfunctional parents I have ever heard, seen, or read about – visit frequently and only uphold their son’s treatment of his wife. At first, Reba tries to stand up for herself, but when the verbal abuse escalates to the occasional physical confrontation, she discovers it is far easier to walk on eggshells and give in to her husband’s demands in order to keep the peace.

In Facing Forward, Reba acknowledges the red flags she missed, and those she simply ignored or rationalized away. From a outsider's perspective, it would be easy to see the same warning signs and say, "She's such an idiot. She should have seen it coming” or “There is no way I would have put up with that behavior. I would have left right away." However, the reality of abuse is always more complicated than it seems. Reba states "living in an abusive relationship can turn the most confident, secure, independent person into someone she never would have previously believed possible." Nowhere is this more evident than in Reba's own brief marriage as she transforms from an assertive, passionate woman to a fearful, desensitized submissive. Although Reba's situation deteriorated more quickly than most, such abuse is not uncommon. Her husband exhibited behavior typical of an abusive partner and it wasn’t long before she showed all the signs of being abused. It was only through her own determination and the loving support of family and friends that Reba was finally able to leave her husband and regain her sense of self-worth.

If I've learned anything from James Frey, Milli Vanilli, and the allegations currently swirling around Greg Mortenson, it is that sometimes people embellish the truth, pay lip service, or outright lie to make themselves look better. While it is true that there are always two people in a marriage and two sides to every story, I felt that Reba gave an honest portrayal of her marital woes. She was upfront about her own, relatively microscopic, failings in the marriage and accepted the blame for times when she erred, regardless of her husband's inexcusable behavior.

Facing Foward is a riveting narrative, but the author did not write it to entertain. She shared her story in the hope that it could serve as a wake-up call for someone currently living in an abusive relationship or lend some perspective to those trying to support a love one who is being abused. I recommend this book to everyone. Read it and you might recognize the signs. Read it and you might find the strength to leave.

My Rating: 4.25 Stars

For the sensitive reader: There were a handful of times in this book when the couple's sex life came into play. While I understand its relevance to their relationship and this book, I would have been okay with a little less detail. The pastor is also quite fond of profanity-laced tirades.

Sum it up: A compelling memoir of abuse and a life reclaimed.

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A Note from Reba:

For too long, domestic violence was something no one talked about in polite circles. But that didn't mean it didn't exist. Today, few people haven't been touched by it personally or known someone who has.  Today, we know longer accept it the way things have to be. We know we have choices, options and that help is available. As we continue to raise our social consciousness, we learn that it's only by facing this openly together that we can bring about the awareness that ultimately leads to change. If you know someone in need of help anywhere in the US, download a free state-by-state resource guide at http://www.facingforward-alifereclaimed.com/ 

__________________________________________

As of right now, this book has been claimed. 

You can buy your own copy of Facing Forward here or the Kindle edition (for $4.99) here.  

GIVEAWAY:  Because I feel that more people could benefit from this book, I will ship my copy to the first person* who contacts me at mindyoja AT hotmail DOT com.  Please only write if you are currently involved in or know someone who is involved in an abusive relationship.  Read it and, when you're through, pass it on.


*US residents only.  I can't afford to ship internationally.

1-2-3...Get Organized Mini-Book Series - Beverly Coggins

Summary:  After studying personality types for over 15 years, Beverly Coggins, professional organizer, created 1-2-3...Get Organized to appeal to those personality types who were overwhelmed by organizing...

The 1-2-3...Get Organized series springs from Coggins’ experience as a professional organizer in both homes and offices [and covers] such topics as office and home organizing, time management in several arenas, as well as organizing for college students, and downsizing for seniors.

Each book is short and covers only one organizing task, addressing the feeling that the job is too huge to tackle. So instead of feeling overwhelmed, the reader is able to take one task at a time and feel a sense of accomplishment upon completing it.  (Summary and Image from http://1-2-3GetOrganized.com - Books given free for review)

My Review:  While there are many books and e-books in this mini-book series, I am only reviewing the following five: 

Three Steps to Clever Cleaning
Three Steps to Time Management for the Stay-at-Home Mom
Three Steps to Decluttering
Three Steps to Organizing Your Child's Room
Three Steps to Organizing Your Kitchen

First, let's talk about format. These books are tiny -- measuring 6x6 with an average of 26 pages. They are organized into three specific, easy-to-follow steps (or chapters), with even tinier sub-steps given in bullet-point format.  Personally, I prefer paragraphs to bullet points, but the books were short enough that it didn't really matter. 

Initially, I was unsure about the concept of mini-books, but after receiving them, I understand why the author released them as a series. While the book fiend in me longs for one big book, I am not her target audience. Instead, they are designed to help someone who is "overwhelmed" with organizing and only feels capable of handling one area at a time. If you feel like you fall into this category, read on.  However, if you find that you'd like to buy all five of these books, it might be time to get something more comprehensive.

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If I had to pick one person to hire -- chef, housekeeper, or nanny -- I would pick housekeeper in a nanosecond.  Why?  It's simple.  I hate cleaning.  Oh, I can sweep, wipe a counter, and  "tidy" with the best of them, but hand me a toilet brush and I'm more likely to whack you with it than clean a toilet (and wouldn't that be gross).  And dusting?  Forget it.  I picked up Three Steps to Clever Cleaning, hoping to find ways to clean faster and smarter. 

While this book wasn't necessarily a fountain of knowledge in terms of how to clean, it did offer many suggestions on when to clean. I discovered that I tend to excel at the chores that need to be done frequently (sweeping, cleaning counters, picking up toys, etc) but am an all out failure at those that need to be done less often (vacuuming, dusting, cleaning out the fridge).  I think (er..hope) that being aware of my strengths and weaknesses will help me to focus on areas of improvement.  I did pick up a number of clever cleanings tips and was able to identify some cleaning strategies that might work for me.  The final step even provides a month-to-month calendar for those bigger chores that only need to be done a few times a year. 

I did notice a few tips in this book that felt incomplete.  One tip on dusters said that "Swiffer has a duster that claims to collect dust and looks like it would be worth trying."  I felt the author should have actually tried the duster to see if Swiffer lived up to their claim, instead of simply recommending that we try it.  I'm lazy like that.  Also, she recommends using Mr. Clean Magic Erasers on "any cleanable surface" when the packaging clearly states that they should not be used on paint or varnished surfaces.  While I still use mine very lightly to remove fingerprints from walls, I have learned the hard way (Pen swirls on my coffee table) that any pressure on a finished surface can remove the paint or varnish. 

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With three kids, a reading habit, a non-profit blog, and a home that I'm trying to put on the market, it's easy to see why Three Steps to Time Management for the Stay-At-Home Mom screamed my name.  I am very type A.  I love to make to-do lists and derive an inordinate amount of satisfaction from checking things off .  I could not have been more startled when my first thought while reading the step one(prioritizing)was "I do not have TIME to make all these lists and assign numerical values to my goals".  I wanted to skip straight to Step 2 (making a plan that works) only to find that required me to make several rough drafts of a calendar with time blocked out for my priorities.  The idea that I could assign blocks of time to any part of my life, at this point, felt laughable and so I was glad to see the author offer an alternative suggestion for parents of infants.  I think I'll stick with my daily to-do lists. 

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My house might have its moments, but thanks to my mother, the De-junking Queen, I am fairly familiar with the organizational process described in Three Steps to Decluttering, Three Steps to Organizing Your Child's Room, and Three Steps to Organizing Your Kitchen.  I rarely have a problem saying goodbye to unnecessary or unwanted items.  If it's broke, I chuck it.  If I don't use it, I give it away.  For that reason, these three books didn't teach me a whole lot that I didn't already know.  My problem lies in the motivation, not the know-how. 
 
I felt that the many of other tips for dejunking, organization, and maintenance were just plain old common-sense, rather than revolutionary recommendations.  However, an amateur organizer (or professional hoarder) might feel differently.  If your house (or even one room) is starting to resembled one of those homes on Clean House, I would recommend a) renting a dumpster and b) picking ONE of these books.  
 

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In addition to the books I received for review, you can find or purchase the following books/ebooks and more at the 1-2-3GetOrganized website. 

• Three Steps to Time Management in the Office
• Three Steps to Time Management for Your College Student
• Three Steps to Time Management for the Single Mom
• Three Steps to Time Management for the Working Mom
• Three Steps to Downsizing to a Smaller Residence
• Three Steps to Organizing Your Office
• Three Steps to Planning Dinner

They are so small and easy-to-read, that I would recommend purchasing the e-books over the print copy, to save on shipping.  Plus, then you have one less thing cluttering up your house!

My Rating: 3 Stars

Sum it up:  Baby steps for the overwhelmed.

The Busy Book Series - Trish Kuffner

Summary:  365 fun and creative activities to stimulate your toddler, preschooler, or older child every day of the year.  (Summary from books - Images from AbeBooks.com)

My Review:  It’s time to come clean. You know those moms who manage to run a successful home-based business, craft with their kids, bake bread, and scrapbook stunning works of photographic art? Well, I am not one of those Super Moms. I try to be a good parent, but there are some days that I just stare at my kids and, with all the love in my heart, think “What on earth am I going to do with you?” . I try to think of ways to entertain them and I come up empty.

Do you have days like that? Days when, if you hear the words “I’m bored” one more time, you swear you’ll lock yourself in the bathroom? If so, I suggest looking through the Busy Book Series by Trish Kuffner. I found a used set on my last visit to the bookstore and it was a lights-shining-down-from-heaven kind of moment. I snatched them off the shelf in a millisecond, but it wasn’t until I started flipping through the pages that I realized what a treasure I had found.

I wish I had read The Toddler’s Busy Book when my two oldest were little. Designed specifically for 1 ½ to 3-year-olds, this book is packed with 365 simple ideas for educational toddler play, crafts, music, and snacks, along with parenting tips and organizational ideas. Your child will love snow painting in the winter, flying a balloon kite in the spring, or any one of their 84 ideas for rainy day play!

The Preschooler’s Busy Book is the perfect way to give your 3 to 6-year-old the sensory, imaginary, and educational experience their little brains crave. Whether they are playing with Super Goop, setting up their own grocery store, or making a Pom-Pom spider, you can be sure they’ll be having tons of fun. This book even includes activities that help promote basic reading readiness, math, geography, and botany in inventive and entertaining ways.

My girls were most excited about The Children’s Busy Book, written primarily for children ages 6 to 10. My 7-year old immediately began marking pages to try. At bedtime, I had to pry it from her grasp when I found the book hiding under her pillow. She loves the cooking section, with its child-friendly recipes, and has plans to make The World’s Best Chocolate Chip Cookies, play Penny Toss, and build sculptures with toothpicks and mini-marshmallows.

While you will see a few activities that are suitable for all ages repeated throughout the three books, each book offers unique ideas that will inspire the minds of those left in your care. My favorite part of these books is that most of the activities are simple to set up and require only a few, easy to find items that are usually already hanging around my home. Above all, I love that don’t have to wrack my brain to come up with ideas that are creative, constructive, and entertaining.

I’m a realistic woman. I will never be the super mom-next-door. However, with a Busy Book or two at my disposal, hopefully my kids will have too much fun to notice.

My Rating:  5 Stars

Sum it up:  These books might keep your kids busy long enough for you to actually...wait for it...get things DONE.  It's a literary MIRACLE!!

The Anatomy of Pilates - Paul Massey

Summary:  Pilates is an exercise method designed to elongate and strengthen the body by emphasizing balance, alignment, proper breathing, and core stability.  Osteopaths, physiotherapists, and general practitioners recommend its simple, low-impact approach as one of the safest forms of exercise, ideal for injury prevention, rehabilitation, and overall physical health.  Pilates can be beneficial for just about everyone, regardless of age and fitness level.

The Anatomy of Pilates takes the reader inside the body to show exactly what happens in the body's muscles and joints during a Pilates exercise.  At the heart of the book are 150 full-color illustrations showing the muscles that lengthen and strengthen in 40 classic exercises, together with information on anatomy, technique, breathing pitfalls, and more.  The Anatomy of Pilates is an accessible, authoritative guide for current and prospective teacher of Pilates, practitioners at all skill levels, physical therapists, and health professionals.  (Summary from back of the book, book free for review from Lotus Publishing and image from http://www.pilates-pro.com/)

My Review:  Reading this book made me want to utilize Pilates more in my exercise routine.  I'm not the most versed in Pilates, but I have enjoyed a class or two.  I think this book is geared more towards people who know anatomy, or have more experience with Pilates.  Not that I didn't find it helpful, because I did.  I have never taken an anatomy class. Therefore, the read wasn't as fast as it would have been had I been more knowledgeable in the proper names of each muscle.

The book is organized in a way that the reader can easily navigate the basics of Pilates--Introduction, Posture and Movement, Applications, and Classical Pilates Exercises.  There were a couple of aspects I found very helpful (besides all the full-color pictures).  The pitfalls that accompany each exercise/pose were informative for someone who is a beginner.  The second section of the book, Posture and Movement, had diagrams and examples of poor posture.  After determining your posture--unless you're perfect and don't have any problems with incorrect posture--there is a suggested exercise section.  These suggested exercises will help improve the weakened areas of your body based on your posture.  The last aspect to the book I found useful is the chart on page 60.  It illustrates the exercises to do at what ability level and how many repetitions.

Overall the The Anatomy of Pilates is very informative and because the book is only around 150 pages, it isn't a daunting read.  The full-color illustrations are the icing on the cake, making the book more easily digested.  (Does icing to do that?  Oh well, If not, you get the idea.)

My Rating: 4 Stars

Sum it up: A comprehensive look at Pilates and how it works the body.

Teaching Yoga : Essential Foundations and Techniques - Mark Stephens

Summary:  Teaching Yoga is an essential resource for all yoga teachers and students interested in refining their skills and expanding their knowledge of yoga.  Enhanced with nearly 200 instructional photos and illustrations, this comprehensive book is ideal for use as a core textbook in teacher training programs.  Readers will find practical and detailed information on teaching methods, sequencing principles, the fundamentals of 108 poses (asanas), and techniques for teaching meditation and breathing (pranayama).  Yoga philosophy and history as well as traditional and modern aspects of anatomy are also covered.  Author Mark Stephens, an esteemed yoga teacher and teacher trainer, offers guidance through the process involved in becoming a teacher and sustaining oneself in the profession.  A useful appendix lists associations, institutes, organizations, and professional resources for yoga teachers.  (Summary from back of the book.  Image from http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/.  This book was given free for review.)

My Review:  This has to be the most comprehensive book on yoga I've ever read.  It is definitely more than just your typical 'how-to' yoga book.  It isn't until page 157 that the actual process of teaching yoga is addressed.  The pages preceding this are filled with history, the separate but integral aspects of yoga from mental to physical to ethical standards.

The middle section of the book focuses on the basic teachings, processes, and set up of a yoga class including breathing, sequencing, and meditation.  This section also has pictures to illustrate the positions (asanas) in black and white.  Not being a yoga instructor, some of the terms and vocabulary were definitely above my vocabulary relating to yoga.  That shouldn't stop you from picking up this book though.  There are multiple formats of explanation and a glossary at the back of the book.  Another aspect to the book I really liked was how this mid-section (probably the most helpful for a yoga participant and not someone angling to become a yoga instructor) was organized.  Each of the separate asanas (positions) is its own section.  These sections give the primary risk areas of the body, how to guide students into position safely, and what to look for to ensure proper technique.  Some of these positions are beyond an average students capability at least at first.  I would not call this a beginners book.  One last thing about the mid-section that I loved is the many examples of sequencing and planning a class that Stephens provides.  If you're new to teaching yoga and don't want to get bogged down in the same routine, I would think this would be your favorite section.

The last section proves even more this is an advanced book for serious yoga instructors.  This section contains information about specialized teaching for people with injuries, pregnant students, and even has a section for how to teach yoga to people suffering from depression.  There is an appendix containing yoga teaching resources, yoga organizations, websites, and even institutes and research centers on yoga.  The last aspect I wanted to mention specifically is Appendix C.  It contains a quick list of asanas (positions) with the classical name, the common name (ex. downward dog) and a picture. 

I have been thoroughly impressed, even if it was overwhelming at first, by this all encompassing book on yoga.  If you teach yoga I'd be surprised if you hadn't read this book.  It would be my go-to guide.

Rating: 4.5 stars only because it was a bit daunting to get into.

Sum it up:  The most comprehensive book I've read on teaching yoga.

9 Books to Strengthen Your Marriage

If there is one thing that I have learned in my nearly 10 years of marriage it is that marriage is not a cake-walk. Marriage requires commitment, patience, effective communication, and the almost constant repetition of the phrase "it's not wrong, it's just different".

Because so many people struggle after jumping into marriage, with both feet and all of their heart, here are some of the books that the reviewers of Reading for Sanity have found helpful in strengthening, and in some cases, saving our marriages.

For those people who are married and striving to stay that way:

Couples : How to Confront Problems and Maintain Loving Relationships by Carlfred Broderick - This book was particularly helpful in explaining the importance of knowing and understanding your partners marital "script" (ie. What your spouse thinks marriage should be like, based on what he/she saw in the home).  Once you understand where their expectations are coming from, it is much easier to talk about conflicting "scripts".

The 5 Love Languages : The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman - Does your partner feel love through quality time spent, conversation, a well-thought gift, kind words of encouragement, or through physical touch?  If you don't know, perhaps you should find out how to speak their love language!  The 5 Love Languages is a wonderful book that teaches you to love your partner in a way that THEY will understand.

Mars & Venus: In the Bedroom : A Guide to Lasting Romance and Passion by John Gray - While this book has some serious "cheese" in it, it is helpful in understanding the physical nature of the male sex drive (translation: why it is so dang important), the emotional nature of the female sex drive, and how to reconcile the differences between the two.

The Divorce Remedy : The Proven 7-Step Program for Saving Your Marriage - This book is designed for anyone who feels that they are having to save their marriage on their own. It gives techniques and suggestions that can be applied by one person (which, I imagine, is extremely helpful if your partner isn't speaking to you, let alone reading books with you).

Between Husband and Wife: Gospel Perspectives on Marital Intimacy by Stephen E. Lamb and Douglas E. Brinley - This book was written for LDS couples, particularly because many young LDS couples go into marriage with little to no knowledge of what goes on in a sexual relationship. It focuses on how to meet each others needs both emotionally and physically.

And They Were Not Ashamed: Strengthening Marriage Through Sexual Fulfillment by Laura Brotherson - This book is another written for LDS couples but I do believe any marriage could benefit from the advice--as with any book, pick and choose the advice that works for you. It has a strong focus on fidelity and making sure both partners understand how the sexual relationship is important for both a man and woman and how to get there.

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by John Gray - This is a fairly basic book about understanding the differences between men and women and focuses on their basic emotional needs, daily functioning style, and communication.

You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation by Deborah Tannen -  This book might be more helpful for the couple in trouble, specifically with their communication or lack thereof. It gets down to the nitty-gritty of how certain phrases or words affect men and women differently and can obstruct communication between the sexes.



The Portable Romantic : An Indispensable Pocket Guide to Creating Loving Relationships by Gregory J.P. Godek - This easy-to-read book offers 501 ideas to enhance the romance in your marriage.  Definitely a book to leave sitting open around the house!

and as an added bonus..

For those people who are single and looking:

The Real Prince Charming: Discovering God's Plan for a Lifetime of Fulfilling Romance by Michelle Raftery - This book emphasizes the importance of looking at long-lasting, eternal qualities, over those set by the world or the current entertainment industry.  Read the RFS review.

Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married by Gary Chapman - This book gives a broad overview of some of the conflicts that occur in most marriages after the honeymoon period is over. It is designed to encourage dating couples to realistically discuss important topics before getting married.  Read the RFS review.

______________________

Have you read a book that saved

or strengthened your marriage?

Please share!

_______________________

Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married - Gary Chapman

Summary: Most people spend far more time in preparation for their vocation than they do in preparation for marriage.

No wonder the divorce rate hovers around fifty percent.

Gary Chapman, the #1 New York Times bestselling author of The 5 Love Languages and marriage counselor, with more than 35 years of counseling couples, believes that divorce is the lack of preparation for marriage and the failure to learn the skills of working together as intimate teammates. This practical book is packed with wisdom and tips to develop a loving, supportive, and mutually beneficial marriage. It's the type of information Gary himself wished he had before he got married.

Dating or engaged couples will enjoy the "Talking It Over" section, extensive resources, a thought provoking appendix, plus a revealing learning exercise! By understanding and balancing the five key aspects of life, dating couples can experience a healthy dating relationship. (Summary from book - Image from - Book given free to review)

My Review:  Despite what The Beatles may say, love is NOT all you need to make a marriage work and a successful marriage requires commitment, compromise, and a boat load of patience and understanding. Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married attempts to shake loose the blinders that so many people wear when they are in the first stage of love, long enough for them to truly understand their intended partner and honestly discuss topics that might cause future conflict. Chapman’s hope is that, in doing so, more people will enter marriage with realistic expectations and be less likely to bolt at the first sign of trouble.

This book outlines the importance of observing and discussing perceived marital roles and expectations with your prospective partner, as well as their level of spirituality, approach to finances, family relationships, etc. It also gives a brief, but helpful, overview of several of his other books (most notable, The Five Love Languages and The Five Languages of Apology).

My complaints about this book are paltry and have little to do with the subject matter. Chapman’s overuse of the phrases “I wish I’d known” or “I wish someone had told me” bordered on condescension. It was at the beginning and end of every chapter and sometimes in the middle as well. While I recognize this technique is an obvious attempt to maintain a connection between the subject matter and the title of the book, it was unnecessary. Repetition is fine and dandy if you are suffering from short-term memory loss, but I am not. There were also times that Chapman would give an example of what someone might say when they apologize, and I felt his examples were far fetched and long-winded. Perhaps this says more about me than anything, but if anyone apologized that thoroughly to me, I would raise a significantly skeptical eyebrow.

Most of this book is common sense – the kind of common sense that seems to be lacking in this day and age – and the kind of common sense that deserts us when we are in the throws of passionate love. Many of the issues Chapman raises would have been extremely beneficial for my spouse and I to discuss before we were married.   That having been said, the book is rather short and really  more of an "intro to" book than an in depth discussion.

If you’re single and looking, this might be a good book to look over so that you can be better informed when you do meet that special someone. If you’re engaged and waiting, Chapman gives several questions for couples discussion and evaluation that would be helpful if you are reading the book together as a couple. While this book could be moderately helpful after marriage, I can think of several others that would be more in depth and effective*.

Sidenote: On a personal note, I feel that that finding your perfect “match”, or someone who is like you in every way is not necessarily the best thing or a guarantee of marital bliss. From conflict can come growth. It is up to the couple, their attitude, level of commitment, and their communication skills as to whether they grow together or grow apart.

My Rating: 3.75 Stars.  For the sensitive reader: This book also has a slightly religious bent --nothing too heavy handed-- but I appreciated the more spiritual take on the institution of marriage.

Sum it up: A Cliff’s notes version of pre-marital counseling that touches on many useful topics without digging too deep.

*See our next post!

The Real Prince Charming : Discovering God's Plan for a Lifetime of Fulfilling Romance - Michelle Raftery

Summary: An entire generation of young women are being consumed by today's dating trend; immersing them in various dating relationships. Over and over again these young women struggle with purity, the lack of self confidence, and security in God to stand up for their beliefs and values. They long for a fairytale ending and cling to unrealistic expectations, past hurts and guilt, turning most toward romantic pursuits. However, the secret to finding The Real Prince Charming is becoming the woman that God has called you to be and learning that He longs to have an intimate relationship with you.

Why would you settle for less when you could have God's best?

Facing common dating pitfalls, author Michelle Raftery points out that when you ask the Creator Himself, you learn what a special and unique place God has for women! (Summary from book - Image from amazon.com - Book given to me for review from BringItOn Communications )

My Review: The Real Prince Charming is a book for the single Christian woman who is looking to meet and marry the man of her dreams. Raftery disregards the standards set by romantic comedies and recommends against impractical expectations when looking for a spouse and focusing on the qualities that God values – kindness, love, constancy, optimism, and humility (among others). She suggests that a woman should abandon the concept of finding the perfect man and look for the man that God has created perfectly for her. She also encourages young women to accept their God-given personalities as gifts from Him that will enable them to live out His plan for them and to live lives of emotional, mental, and physical purity.

My favorite part of the book was the chapter entitled Waiting for the White Horse where Raftery outlines the pitfalls of sitting around waiting for a man to save you from a life of perpetual single-ness. She goes on to explain how to rescue yourself from life’s troubles, or at the very least, see them in a different light that will enable you to live life fully regardless of your marital status.

Spiritual truths aside, The Real Prince Charming was not without its writing flaws. By the end of the book I was royally bothered by the Prince Charming/Princess metaphor, as well as several non-Biblical analogies and embellished characters that I felt weren’t necessary to understand the text. I wish that Raftery put a little more faith in the reader to be able to draw obvious spiritual parallels without the aid of a metaphor or analogy. On the other hand, I appreciated how she made frequent reference to Bible verses and drew comparisons between problems we face today and those found in the Bible. Raftery uses many different translation of the Bible throughout this book (NIV, NLT, NASB, MSG, etc.) and, although I prefer the King James Version of the Bible, most of the verses that she used would be difficult to misinterpret regardless of the translation chosen. I was thankful that she drew so much from the scriptures and didn’t write solely based on her own personal beliefs without a doctrinal foundation.

My largest complaint is that Raftery skirted the giant elephant sitting in the middle of her book. What about those people who don’t get married--who don’t find someone “made just for them”? Is it their fault? Were they not looking hard enough, or in the right places? I’m fairly certain that I know what she would say and that I would agree with it, but the issue wasn’t even addressed and I felt that it should have been.

The final chapter of this book (and many places throughout) speaks to the importance of having a personal relationship with God, our Father in Heaven, and his son Jesus Christ. He is our Rescuer and Redeemer and the one person we can always turn to for support. I enjoyed the opportunities that this book offered for introspection, evaluation, and personal growth. At 100 pages, it was remarkably filling food for thought.

Sidenote: I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (you probably know us as “Mormons”). While there are some differences between the author’s beliefs and my own in regards to the nature of the Trinity and the repentance process, I believe the principal message of this book transcends individual religion and echoes important truths about women, our Father in Heaven's love for us, and His divine plan for each of his children.

My Rating: 4 Stars (Books with a strong, important moral message, regardless of certain writing idiosyncrasies, will always get my recommendation.)

Sum it up: A brief, but thoughtful, book that offers an infinitely more divine perspective on dating, relationships, self-acceptance, than the media-inspired (and ultimately flawed) concept of Prince Charming.

The Not So Big House - Sarah Susanka

Summary: Architect Susanka believes that the large homes being built today place too much emphasis on square footage rather than on current lifestyles. Here she shows how homes can be designed to feature "adaptable spaces open to one another, designed for everyday use." She describes how to examine occupants' lifestyles, how to incorporate the kitchen as the focal point of the home, how to give the illusion of space, and how, with storage, lighting, and furniture arrangement, a smaller home can be comfortably livable. Photographs of contemporary homes as well as those by Frank Lloyd Wright and other modern architects illustrate Susanka's ideas and show the timelessness of the style she advocates. (summary copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc. as posted on Amazon.com)

My Review: I am reviewing this book, not because I recently read it (I read it 8+ years ago), but because I highly recommend the ideas it advocates. As in, I actually recommend this book to people who ask me to design a house for them. At the time I originally read it, the nation was caught up in rising property values, driven by "re-sell," and many homeowners were concerned only with square footage. In this atmosphere the ideas in the book would help a homeowner to value and create a home, rather than just an investment. It advocates for considering how you will live in the house, not how the next person will - in essence, enjoy the house because it fits the needs of your family - live in the moment.

On the other hand, perhaps you have a home that was once spacious and luxurious, then two kids and one tanked realty market later you are, ahem, stuck with what is a quaint little cottage on good days, and on bad days a tenement house. In this case reading this book will make you feel like you are making a specific lifestyle choice - so that you too can enjoy the moment.

This book was originally released in 1998, over a decade ago, championing the idea that we should embrace life, use our resources wisely and build better, not bigger. Since then idea that homes can be cozy and customized has been embraced by home remodel TV shows, magazines and blogs.

The advice in this book is mainly geared to people who are building new, or doing major remodels or additions, but the concepts are applicable to anyone. In addition, there are a series of books by this author that address existing homes.

Disclaimer - if you currently live in a home you are happy with, I might not recommend reading this. There is a chance that the author might gently rub you the wrong way when describing what she sees as negative about many recently constructed house. However, if you are planning to build either your dream house on a large or small budget, this is a book you MUST read.

My Rating: 4 stars

In One Sentence: If you think you want more more more - read this book before you raise a hammer.