Parenting a tween/teen in 2011

Preface: This blog post is a result of a blogger grant from Mom Central Canada. A lot of the thoughts presented are from my conversations with my 13 year old daughter and represent her view points, as well as my own. My hope is that through sharing this post that other kids and parents can take our experiences and find a resource of their own.

Watching what was once my little girl grow into a young lady gives me a real sense of pride. My daughter is a smart girl who has goals for her life and career and she really is a good kid. At the same time, I have a sense of fear as she embarks on her teenage years. All those goals could easily become derailed due to choices she makes during her teenage years. At the same time, I want her to experience what it means to be a teenager. How do we get through the teen years in 2011 and beyond?

Kids have access to things I never saw or even heard of during my teen years in the 1980's. Living in rural Ontario, I was once lulled into a false sense of security. It would be ignorant of me to think that just because we live in a small community that things are better or safer here.

In our situation, grades seven and eight are just completing their first year being housed in our high school. I admit that I was very concerned about the transition and how the kids, as well as the staff would handle the change. To ease my mind I took the opportunity to speak to school staff and to see for myself how they planned to keep the elementary children separate from the high school kids. Sadly, my daughter has reported to me nonchalantly that she has seen a boy so stoned that he was passed out in the stairwell, she heard that a high school student brought a knife to school, and that one of her friends lost her virginity to a grade 10 boy, and then there was a sexting incident where a high school girl had sent her (then) boyfriend pictures over the phone, which he later posted on facebook.

Honestly, I didn't know how to respond to or handle these situations. It became my mission to figure out resources for my daughter (and her friends) to turn to, to seek support and help if needed. I wanted my daughter to know that she isn't alone through the teenaged years. It became pretty apparent to me that with the access that kids have to technology that we have today, that times have drastically changed from the way they were when I was a teenager.

First and foremost, I want my daughter to feel that she can tell me anything. I want open and honest communication between us, yet, the reality is that she may not always feel comfortable with that. That being the case, I want her to have places to turn if she needs to.

School Support

I have found my greatest resource to be the principal representing the elementary aged children. On several occasions I have turned to her with questions and concerns. I am very pleased that she has been very receptive and helpful. She took all of my concerns seriously and reacted quickly to them.

Other resources in the school are student services, a nurse (though she is very part time), and in our case a full time OPP officer. The officer is very visible to the kids, spending a lot of time speaking with them. The day of the knife incident someone went directly to the officer and the situation was quickly dealt with.

Mentor

Finding an older teenaged mentor is important. We have found great kids who are leaders in our community. Find these kinds of kids in leadership roles, such as swimming instructors, or student dance instructors. Older kids can easily relate to what the younger teenager is going through, as they were most like just there and can offer support and suggestions.

Health Care Professionals

Speak with and have an open dialogue with your physician or nurse practitioner. I have found many resources through them that I wouldn't of otherwise known about. There are people who teenagers can speak to in a more formal appointment like setting, who are experts in the field.

Community Minded Adults

Volunteer adults who are in leadership roles in the community, working with teenagers (ie. coach of a team). I have found, for the most part that these adults are working with young adults because they want to see them succeed and give them well-rounded opportunities, and are more than willing to lend a listening ear.

Finding the Right Activities

Surround your teenager with others who are like-minded. Help your child to find activities which promote your ideals. Friends are really important to teenagers, but finding the right friends is key.

Kids Help Phone

Kids Help Phone is a 24 hour resource for teenagers to seek immediate assistance and support, and they can phone toll free anonymously. Or they can post their questions online.


The key for me has been to try my best not to be judgmental and open to what she is saying. Times are very different from when I was her age, and I need to be accepting of that. Parenting is a tough job at any age, but tween and teen years can be critical. I think it is easy to get influenced and lead astray which these days could result it catastrophe. While I would like to think I have all the answers, I know the reality is that I do not. As a parent I think we need to set an example, give them options and always keep a mindful eye.

I would love to hear the thoughts of parents who have made it through the tween/teen years, or are working their way through it themselves.

Thank you to Mom Central Canada for the very generous blogger grant and for inspiring me to speak with my daughter and look deeper into what it means to be a tween/teen in 2011.

Today, I have a teenager!

Dear Emily,


This morning we awoke to a late winter storm - just as it was thirteen years ago.

Today, the baby who made me a mommy is 13 years old. Emily, you have matured and we are all impressed by you. You are such a smart young lady and I have such hopes and dreams for your future. As, you start your teenage years, it gives me a tear in my eye - as I know that by the time you finish your teenage years you will be an adult.

Your teenage years will be full of laughter, high school, friends and boyfriends, learning to drive, first jobs and even heartbreak...but, some of the best days of your life!

Happy Birthday, Emily!

Love,
Mom
xox

Emily's Proactiv Challenge ~ 30 Days Later

Emily has long begged for Proactiv, and each and every time we walked by the kiosk in the mall she stopped and tried to talk me into trying it out. So, the 30 Day Challenge has given her a good opportunity to actually use the product and for us to decide if we wanted to continue.

She started out gangbusters...very keen and willing to use it. Then she came to a screeching halt over Christmas because when speaking with her {older} cousin, she said it didn't work for her, nor did she like it. So, of course Emily being impressionable, and wanting to be just like her cousin announced right there in the middle of Christmas celebrations that Proactiv didn't work.

Maybe it didn't work for her cousin, but, I told Emily that she had to use it herself and form her own opinions. And, she did.

You can see her before pictures here, and compare them to her after pictures...




I can see a difference and I think she looks very pretty. {I always thought that!} Her skin has a definite glow and her complexion is quite rosy. Plus, we all know how important it is to boost a teens self-esteem, and, with clearer skin, she has a little bit of a spring in her step. We have made the decision that we will continue on using Proactiv as she goes through her teenage years, which start in a mere two months.

Plus, it was a good lesson on the seeing things through and forming your own opinions.

You'll remember we held giveaways for Green Tea Moisturizer. It is a great product to use in conjunction with the Proactiv System. It might be something of interest to you when you are checking out Proactiv.

Disclaimer: I am participating in the New Proactiv Canada program hosted by Mom Central on behalf of Guthy-Renker. I received a 30 day sample from Proactiv and a gift card to thank me for my participation. The opinions expressed are mine.

Emily's Proactiv Challenge

If you remember, we are taking part in the Mom Central 30 Day Proactiv Challenge.

We now have our kit and we are now well underway into our 30 days.

Emily's before pictures: {before the first application}





I think she has pretty normal teenage acne. Really, nothing which is too noticeable, and if we didn't have this opportunity to try out NEW Proactiv, I doubt we would of treated with anything. Just with good old fashioned face washing.

I will report that after the initial couple of days, I noticed her skin to have a nice rosy, healthy glow about it. Certainly, not what we consider normal for December.


In conjunction with the 30 Day Challenge, I was given the opportunity to hold a Proactiv giveaway and here are the winner's:

flowerchild
Darlene Demell
renee
camper223
Jennifer L

I will be sending emails later tonight. Congratulations!
*remember, you can only win once, so if you have won on another blog...please let me know*


Stay tuned, in January I will post some pictures after our 30 days are up and my thoughts, and if we will be continuing with Proactiv. {we might not have any need}

A slice of...New York City!

Hi everyone! On Thursdays for the next couple of months, I'm going to be including a new feature here on Sometimes Sweet. I've asked a large handful of both my blogging buddies and real life friends to give us a little tour of the city or town they live in, from their point of view, and share with us some of their must-go or must-see places. I have a really wide variety of towns and cities (and amazing ladies!) to feature, and I'm really excited to unveil this. I hope you all enjoy it!

I thought I'd start with one of my dear friends Emily (visit her blog here) who resides in Brooklyn, NY. I was lucky enough to visit her twice last summer and she and her fiance Jesse were amazing hosts, taking me to delicious restaurants and fun spots all around the city (click here to read that post). I'm super excited to share her "Slice of New York City," and I think that whether you've dreamed of visiting the Big Apple or have been there before, you may find a new restaurant to try or fun idea to add to your "must do/see/eat" list when traveling to this area of America. So, without further ado, here is New York City, through Emily's eyes!

Emily and me, in NYC (at Taco Chulo, a restaurant mentioned below)

I can't say enough great things about New York.

Jesse and I moved to Brooklyn 4 years ago, and to date it is the best decision we have ever made. Since moving here we have taken up weekend "staycations" where we explore various parts of our state by either walking around various neighborhoods discovering new coffee shops, galleries, secret gardens, independently owned shops or we plan a beach trip to one of the many beaches in the area. So, when Dani asked me to write about my favorite spots I got REALLY excited! Although some of my favorite spots are not absolute locations and more qualities, they are parts of New York that I truly treasure. I do not take this place for granted.



1. Central Park & Secret Gardens

Although Central Park can be a headache due to the amount of people that fill the area each day, I absolutely love it. It is a solid 6 mile loop of beautiful landscape that makes for a great quick run, a perfect place to lay on a blanket and read, or to mosey around with a dear friend. It is smack-dab in the center of Manhattan and the moment you enter the park the chaos from the city settles and you are brought in a complete state of relaxation. If you have a chance to come to the park make sure you check out the 'turtle pond', there are hundreds of little red ear sliders poking their heads above water while moving their little arms around-- it is incredible! There are gardens throughout all the boroughs that are 100% community run and general in the strangest areas. You will find yourself walking out of brunch and pass a skyline building only to find a teeny-tiny community garden down what you would think to be an alley. There are usually sign-up forms to come in and donate your time and love and it's a great place to meet locals or to take a break from noise and hectic feel of the streets. I recommend the garden on 6th street near Ave B; it's small, quiet, and the guy who owns the land is usually there day in and day out taking care of his plants.




2. Food

I recently came back from a vacation where my fiance and I based our trip on what kind of food we wanted to eat so it's not a surprise that food makes the list. I am a gluten-free, VERY health conscious vegan who has limited time in the kitchen with a full time job in fashion, part time job in fitness and a full time school schedule. So, quickly and healthy food is very important to me and New York DELIVERS. Literally! A few of my favorite restaurants are:

A. Souen: Not only is it macrobiotic, but it is organic and they have gluten-free noodles and soy sauce. www.souen.net (the 1st photo below is of the macro platter at Souen)

B. Candle 79: Basically a vegan's dream. This 5 star restaurant offers all organic fare by top vegan chefs with the BEST service possible. www.candle79.com

C. Viva Herbal: Organic, vegan pizza that is HEALTHY! They have a green slice made on spelt with broccoli, spinach, cucumbers, pesto and vegan cheese (if you want it) all for $5.00. It doesn't get better! http://www.yelp.com/biz/cafe-viva-natural-pizza-new-york

D. Babycakes & Lulas: BC is becoming more and more famous and with a recent cook book release people all over the US get to try their gluten-free, sugar-free cupcakes and treats! Lulu's makes their vegan ice creams on the premise each day with an almond base and they are the tastiest cones I have ever had! This location is conveniently located close to the garden I mentioned on 6th st. making it a great place to enjoy your treat. www.babycakesnyc.com http://www.lulassweetapothecary.com/

E. Taco Chulo: Good grief this place rules. It is a mexican restaurant in Williamsburg that offers healthy, delicious mexican food and a margarita menu that goes on for days. www.tacochulo.com

3. Bridges

Growing up in Utah and Arizona I was never near water, therefore no need for a bridge. Now that I am living in New York I have the pleasure of taking the train every morning and I've never made the trek without looking out the window to admire the way the city glows and prep myself for the day. The bridges are also one of my favorite things to run--When I make it halfway over any bridge going into Manhattan (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Williamsburg) my stomach fills with butterflies at the site of the city. You can feel the excitement in the streets and it feels like a fairy tale knowing that this is MY home.


4. Museums

Talk about lucky. We get all the best exhibits and usually have the chance to see them first and usually you can go to the museums for free thanks to various sponsors. When I toured for a living and had off a few weeks between tours I would spend them in museums in the city; my very favorite- The Natural History Museum! I call this museum my sanctuary because the moment I walk in my blood pressure drops and I feel completely at peace. If you have an opportunity to go, you MUST check out the 'Totem Pole" area; you can smell the age in the wood and the history (and creepiness) in the tribal masks.



5. Beaches

One of my favorite ways to spend my weekend is at the beach with a good group of friends. The famous Coney Island is only about 45 minutes away (by train) and always grantees a great time. Although there is a project taking place to improve the "park" you still get the old time feel through the historic rides, freak shows, and old boardwalk. This beach also brings forth the most interesting mesh of people in 1 location you will ever see.


Although this reaches my 5 favorite "things/spots" I could honestly go on for days. Not only do I love these places/things about New York, but I love the overall vibe. As everyone knows, it is NOT cheap to live in New York (cheap rent is 1600 for a 1 bedroom) so to live here you MUST be motivated and you can feel this in the air. Everyone I know here is constantly working to better themselves and have their hands in a million pots at 1 time. I am no different from this group and hope I never lose my drive to continually be learning and doing more. If you haven't been to New York, you MUST come and visit. It is like no other city and you will never run out of things to do.


*the "Slice of..." pie photo at the top of this post was taken from weheartit. I am unsure of the original source, so if you know who took it/where it comes from please please let me know so I can give proper credit! Thanks so much. :)

Children's Choir - year five

Emily has completed her fifth year with the Children's Choir. She loves the singing aspect, but isn't too keen on the theory. I think the theory is a great skill that she will be happy to have later on in life.

We captured Emily at a rare moment - smiling! A smile seems to come few and far between lately...pre-teen angst - I can not even imagine teen angst!

Science Fair

Emily had to do a Science Fair project for the first time this year. She ended up getting a L4-, which means about an A-, but it didn't come easy. Emily learned the hard way that working with a partner isn't always what it is cracked up to be.

While she didn't get to go to the regional competition, we are pretty proud of her effort.

Next week she is going to a multi-media festival where she is presenting a comic strip which she made on the computer. It will be a fun day with workshops and working with other kids.

She is 12!

Somehow twelve years have gone by!

Twelve years ago we had a big snow storm and we brought you home to heaps of snow.
Today the sun shone and it was a beautiful spring day.
Just goes to show anything can happen in March in Ontario!

Emily you have grown up into a lovely young lady!
I have watched you grow into this young lady who has a strong faith, loves to laugh, and enjoys her friends. I am really proud of you when you root for the under-dog and take them under your wing, saying that everyone is mean to them and they need a friend too.
You are such a good student and have such a wonderful future ahead of you.

Happy Birthday Emily!

When did a baby grow up?

Yesterday was a P.D. day for my kids. My oldest daughter went to the community center and took the babysitter's course! It just seems like yesterday I was a young girl at that same community center taking the babysitting course.

Now, of course back then it was free. Today, it is $45.00.

Emily took my old cabbage patch doll as her 'baby'. I took that same doll when I took the course years before her.

What a bittersweet moment when your first baby is now old enough to take care of other children. By the way, she loved the course and came home pumped up to be a certified babysitter.

How did this happen? Where did the last twelve years go?