How tattoos (may) change your life.

I get a lot of questions via this blog in regards to my tattoos and a couple of the questions are asked the most: "do you run into negativity having so many visible tattoos?" and "I'm thinking of getting my arm/chest/other visible spot tattooed, any advice?" So let me tell you. But before I begin, you should know that this is coming from my experience and my experience alone. Things may be different for you, but for me, I've found that my life has absolutely changed since becoming what some would call "heavily" tattooed. Maybe this is because I come from a more conservative family, maybe it's because I don't fit into the "sorority girl" label that would otherwise be applied, maybe it's because I live in a small town. Who knows. What I do know though is that I love everything I've added to my body, but coming from someone who can be sensitive about people being openly mean or negative, in the beginning it was hard for me to adapt and become indifferent to the way people made me feel. I should also add that for every negative remark or glance I get from the tattoos on my body, I get equally as many smiles and conversations with people I may not have otherwise spoken to. And those seemingly rude stares are often just coming from a place of admiration or curiosity. But now, I don't give it a second thought. Stare if you'd like, whisper to your friend, "she's so pretty, why would she DO that?!" It rolls right off my back. But in the first years of having tattoos on my ribs, my back, then my chest, arm, wrist, neck, legs...it would often make me sad. I was so happy with the way I looked, and I didn't understand why me having tattoos would bother anyone else. But sometimes, it does. So let me start by saying this: if you decide to get a tattoo in a visible place, people will look, and people will judge. Yes, times have changed, but as far as I'm concerned, being heavily tattooed is still not 100% acceptable in mainstream society. One day maybe, but today, no.

Because I have a few separate circles of friends, as I got more and more tattoos I became the "tattooed friend" in one of those groups. The first time I heard that it was definitely disheartening; a coworker of one of my college girlfriends met me for the first time and said, "oh! You must be the tattooed friend we've heard so much about." Oh really? It was a bummer to be generalized like that, and I still think about it when I hang out with that group of girls. No one wants to be placed into a simplified category based on the way they look, but when you have tattoos it can definitely happen, and it did for me, numerous times.  Another specific thing I've dealt with as of recently: you will have to think about how you look standing in a friend's wedding as a bridesmaid. I've been in the wedding party of many of my friends, and unless the bride or groom is also visibly tattooed, it's can often be a little touchy. My friends couldn't care less, but their mothers, grandmas, aunt or family friend may have a different opinion. To be honest, I normally couldn't care less what someone's mother, grandma, aunt or family friend thought...but it's a hard situation when you know that someone's conservative parents don't approve of tattoos, yet there you are up there on the biggest day of their daughter's life, tattooed and smiling away. On someone's wedding day the last thing you want is to be an issue for anyone's family...or even "ruin the pictures," like I've actually had said to me. It can be a bit hard when you just want to blend in and be in the background...but if you're heavily tattooed, blending in isn't always easy to do in certain settings. And although this isn't a reason not to get tattooed, I do think that all of these stories blend into a bigger picture that is important to see when making the decision.

Another, and a bit broader thing to think about when you're considering taking the plunge and tattooing your arm, chest, back of your neck, or even your wrist...how will this affect my career? Some people are lucky enough to work in an open-minded environment where tattoos don't matter, but the majority of people need to look somewhat "professional," and in this day and age, visible tattoos aren't always seen that way. I taught high school for six years, and for six years I wore higher necked shirts, cardigans, and after tattooing right above my knees I stuck to skirts that were always long enough to cover those pieces up. Although my school surprisingly gave me the okay to show them if I wanted to, I chose to have them be a non-issue and keep them mainly covered. It was just easier this way, especially dealing with highly-distractable teenage students.  After six years of doing this though I started to get sick of my limited wardrobe choices, and as spring and summer hit it was hot wearing layers and long sleeves each day.  So really think hard about it- if you work in an area where tattoos just aren't acceptable, are you willing to cover them every single day for the rest of your working life? I asked myself these same questions and decided that I didn't care, and went for it. For me, the benefits outweighed the annoyances. But you may be different, so be sure to ask yourself the same.

Also, know that your day to day life will be forever changed. Imagine wearing a really brightly colored dress out and about- it's loud, it's bright, and quite the conversation piece. Now imagine not being able to take off that dress. You loved that dress at the store, you bought and paid for it, and now you will wear that dress for the rest of your life. Everyday. Forever. Wherever you go, people will either look at it, try and touch it, show you theirs, and/or start some sort of conversation. This is the truth. Sometimes fun, mainly annoying, and for me it's often easier to just cover up if I'm not in the mood to deal with it.

But really, what it comes down to is this: if you are going to permanently change your body in a big way, think long and hard before you make the leap. I didn't get tattooed until I was in my twenties for that very reason. Some 18-year olds have enough sense to make the choice then, but I knew I didn't, so I waited. And in the end, I decided to take the plunge after all and I am so glad I did. Up above I mentioned a few specific examples of ways life has changed for me, and I'm sure there are many more instances depending on your circumstances. At the same time, there are positive things that of course go along with doing what YOU want to do, and doing it for you. I, for one, adore having such beautiful art as a permanent reminder of different parts of my life. I'll always love them, because they represent my history, my story, my choices. I'll continue to get tattoos that I love, and I'll continue to fill my body with little pieces of beauty that make me happy. Everyday is an exercise in being true to myself, and I like that. And admittedly, it did take a while to accept that not everyone will approve of my choices. From that though, I  have become someone who strives to be my 100% authentic self in all situations. You don't like the way I look? Oh well. My tattoos have taught me more about myself, and more about others, than I would have ever imagined. And like anything, there are two sides of the coin. Just be sure you examine both sides before you really make the commitment! Good luck!

On motivation

 

I've written about workout motivation before, and recently I've really had to dig deep to find even more of it. It's hard after having a baby- there are a million reasons why it's easier to stay at home with your family, comfy on your couch watching a movie, and lots of different, easier things we could do with our limited time. So when I revisited that post from last year, I tried to think a bit more about what kind of pep talk I give myself to get going. And like I've previously mentioned, it was absolutely easier to workout before having Henry. I could go to the gym whenever my heart desired and stay for as long as I like. I could go on a run in the afternoon, or take a spinning class after work. But here's what it come down to: in order for me to be the best Mom I can be, I need to take care of myself. What this means is carving out time in my day to better my mind, body and spirit. I've always taken fitness seriously- like I've mentioned before I was a very competitive athlete growing up and exercise has been a part of my life since I began dancing at age three. I always had good reason to workout too- it made me feel good, helped me look my best, and kept me happy and healthy. But now, I have one more important thing to add to that list- it helps me be the best mom I can be. I feel like it's my responsibility to be a good example to my son. I want him to be healthy, and that means that his father and I need to be healthy role models. I want to live a long, long life and watch him grow up, and eventually one day be a grandparent too.  I hope to live a life full of activity and travel. I want to go to sleep every night and know that I got the most out of each day, that I did everything in my power to be a positive person- and for me this goes hand in hand with some sort of physical activity.

Hank often jokes, "happy wife, happy life," and although this sounds funny, it's true. I absolutely set the climate for my house. If I am in a bad mood, you can bet that he feels this, and even though Henry is only three months old, he can feel it too. Because I've been through periods of my life where I've been depressed, I know how important exercise is to my mental health. Take this morning for example- I got up and went to the gym at 5am, even though of course I'd rather sleep until 7 or 8 when Henry wakes up. But at the same time I wanted to go, and because I've been in a bit of a funk for the past couple of days, I knew that I would feel immeasurably better about everything the moment I began my workout. And I did! Even though it was so early, the combination of motivating music and moving my body snapped me out of my bad mood almost immediately. I walked out of the gym this morning with a huge smile on a my face, a bounce in my step, and with the knowledge that I actively did something to fix my situation. Now, a few hours later I still feel great, and this can be attributed to taking that time to do something good for me.

Whether you are someone who doesn't normally work out, or someone who is a seasoned fitness pro, motivation can be hard to come by. Of course it's easier to stay in our comfy clothes, relax on the couch with your family, and do a whole lot of nothing. And sometimes, those kind of times are what we need too. But at the same time, we all need to give our bodies a little TLC- and in my opinion, what better way to treat yourself, than to do something good for yourself. A lot of the time I find myself coming up with the same excuses- I'll go tomorrow, I'll go in the morning, it's not a big deal- I'm way too comfy in front of this computer/tv screen/book to get up and go. But this can snowball, and before you know it, a few days have passed, the cycle continues. I feel bad or sad, I don't want to workout, I feel bad or sad because I haven't been working out, on and on it goes. Instead, I almost always get up. I go. I make the choice. Those excuses may exist but I make myself take that time for me and there has NEVER been a time I regretted it. Literally there has NEVER been a time when I've left the gym and said, "Oh I wish I wouldn't have done that." I only say that when I don't go. And this can be applied to anything- getting up and going on a walk, putting in an exercise tape, whatever type of physical activity you can fit into your lifestyle.

In the end, only you can decide to make the healthy choice for you. And really, why wouldn't you? You deserve to feel the best you can be, you deserve to treat yourself to 30, 60 minutes a day where you can clear you head, focus your mind, and exercise your body. Even if it's taking a quick 20 minute stroll around the block, take that time. If you're a Mom, take the stroller and just go. Or during a nap, do some stretching or a video. And when you find a million reasons not to do it, silence those by thinking of the reasons you SHOULD do it. Replace the negative with the positive, replace the "why nots" with the "why I shoulds." And maybe you won't get up and go the first few times, but I promise, if you keep at it, and practice being in the positive, eventually you will get up, and that is literally the first step.  "I'm way too tired to go on a jog" turns into "I should get up and go so I will have more energy in the long run." "I feel embarrassed to exercise in front of people at the gym" turns into "I'm going to go workout so I can feel more confident about my amazing self." "It's so hard to get started" becomes "If I don't start now, when will I ever?" Take the negative and spin it right into the positive. It gets easier everytime, and when a month has gone by and you've made more of an effort than you've ever made in the past, I promise you that the feeling you'll get when you look at yourself in the mirror and see a healthier, stronger you will be one of the best feelings in the world. Get it girl! And remember, you deserve it.

To my sister, a month before you're to be married,

We've grown up together our entire lives, being each others playmate, confidant, best friend.  Our childhood was one in the same; our stories both began in the house in the woods, in a little town in New Jersey. Memories of bike rides up and down our long driveway, the green green grass, Friday pizza nights with TGIF on the television, exploring the woods in our backyard, the old white house and the back woods trails. So many games, TV tag and Marco Polo, playing airplane and house, you teetering out in Mom's high heels, making up dances to the old 45s in the record case. Dance and soccer and gymnastics and softball. You, three years younger, you the little sister, you always there, my beloved shadow, a mini-version, a littler me. But as we grew up you became your own person, no longer always wanting to be just like big sister, you figured out who you were, you found your own way. You became who you were always going to be. I am so thankful for those years we spent growing up together in that beautiful bubble- you were born when I was three, and when I went away to college, it marked the end of twelve years sharing clothes, laughs, secrets, and that sister language only we could understand. All of my fondest memories include you, and I feel fortunate that we are always creating new ones too; we still laugh, and play, and yes, even fight sometimes. You are a beautiful person, and throughout our lives, I've always been incredibly protective. I only want the best for you, and now that you are 26, an adult by all means, about to get married, I can say with a happy heart that you've absolutely found the best in your Abe.  My wish for you is that you continue to follow your heart and your dreams, and that you continue to be the firecracker of a girl you've always been. I hope marriage only continues to encourage your heart to grow in every which way possible. I believe that you and Abe are meant to be, and I am so happy that you have found that one person for you. Remember to love, and to have fun, and to never forget the feeling you have right now- so young and in love, about to embark on the greatest journey of your life. So, little sister, this is for you. A wish for love and happiness, a wish for your future to be a bright as your present. I love you.

A love letter to the Blogosphere

Blog. Online journal. Public diary. Record. Whatever you want to call it, you are a part of it in some way, just by clicking on this link and reading these words.  It's an interesting little habit we all have, of documenting every moment of our lives. Our meals, our love, our moods, our likes, wants, do-not-wants, have to haves, must dos and inspiration.  In the world of blogging, we all get it. We understand the drive to take an outfit shot even in the freezing cold, we get the multiple photos of food, this plate and that plate, the features and the guest posts, the run down of the sequence of events it takes to make a particular meal. This makes sense to us. And more often than not, those who do not blog just simply do not get it.

What started as a simple hobby in the late 90s, a la Livejournal and a bit of Diaryland prior, grew and grew until my small circle of LJ-ing friends began to expand. I became aquainted with friends in other towns, states, countries. We saw the ins and outs of each others' lives, we saw the ups, downs, the heart-breaks, the break-downs, and were privvy to the entire coming-of-age sagas we all shared with each other.  In time Livejournal gave way to Blogspot, my old site getting dusty in my bookmarks after years of use, cobwebs growing over my entries, lj-cuts, and photobucket pictures.  Gone, not forgotten, but pushed to the side for a newer, shinier way of doing things. Blogging. With my new "blog" I found a newer voice, less confessional and, I told myself, more mature. Gone were the passive-aggressive entries we all wrote, the "if you think this is about you, it is," the unloading of frustrations, the venting. My blog was a place for beautiful things. For documenting. And so I did. I started this site with no more than three readers, and each week as I continued to write here, as I continued to share more of myself, I met more and more like-minded people.

And the best part about meeting like-minded people is just what the word suggests- the commonalities and the shared understanding.  I'd always considered myself a bit different from the people I chose to surround myself with in my daily life- although I love all of my "real-life" friends to the ends of the earth (and back!), I sometimes felt that there were different aspects of myself- the creating, the writing- that wasn't always understood. Through this blog I have met some of the most talented, inspirational people who celebrate the need to do that creating, to do that writing, and many of these women have transcended from "online friend" to "real friend."

And it is still humorous to me to use the term "online friends." To many people that conjures up the idea of a 40-year old man in a basement, posing as a young twenty-something. And although having "blog friends" may have once been a strange concept, perhaps now in the year 2011 it's not so weird. Social media was cool to many of us before it was cool, and now, ten years later, it is very, very cool. Now that it is acceptable to blog, to tweet, to Facebook with every person you've ever known, this strange little habit we've always had is suddenly the thing to do.

To be able to have this space, to be able to go through my day and have ideas pop into my head about possible blog topics, and then share those thoughts with thousands of people is an amazing gift. Blogging allows me a creative avenue I wouldn't otherwise have. As a stay-at-home Mom, it gives me a sense of contributing, a sense of purpose outside of my day to day workings as a mother, and it gives me a reason to keep those wheels turning in my head.  It keeps me sharp. This blog has brought so many opportunities into my life, from meeting really fantastic people to being able to share in the experiences from all walks of life. It's made me have tougher skin; it's made me a more effective communicator. Through the many design and fashion blogs I read it's even made my world a little prettier. Overall though, this space has allowed me to forever encapsulate some of the happiest moments of my life; my marriage, my pregnancy, the birth of our son.

So, this is a love letter to the blogosphere.  Thank you for existing. Thank you for giving all of the weird, obsessively documenting parts of myself a place to live and thrive, thank you for giving me a place to share the never ending parade of thoughts in my head. We all have different reasons for being here, for blogging and reading. For me, it's all about saving a piece of every single day. Freezing moments so I can always go back and experience them once the hourglass has turned itself over. It's my husband's smile in a photo from date night, it's the accompanying story full of I love yous and I love this, it's a video of our son laughing, a picture of the way the light hits our bed on a particular December afternoon. It's the outfit I wore on a day I felt beautiful, it's a collage of memories, a flashback in time. It's the sense that even though time marches on, there is a small place in this huge world where everything is safe, where I can always return to. Daily, weekly, monthly, yearly. And although I live in the now, because, after all, that is what blogging is about, the now always has a yesterday. And when tomorrow comes, and yesterday may be a little foggy, I can always go back here, and remind myself of so much.

When I grow up...

 "For children, childhood is timeless. It is always the present. Everything is in the present tense. Of course, they have memories. Of course, time shifts a little for them and Christmas comes 'round in the end. But they don’t feel it. Today is what they feel, and when they say ‘When I grow up,’ there is always an edge of disbelief - how could they ever be other than what they are?"

 -Ian McEwan

Sometimes it's shocking to me that I am a Mom, that I am married, that I am an adult.  I still feel 15 half the time, and it seems so strange to me that no no, I am 28.  For those in their teens or early twenties who read this blog, trust me, it goes by so, so quickly.  And I know, everyone says that.  But I guess I never understood it until I realized that I AM grown up.  I'm not 15, I'm not even 22 or 23 with a big chunk of my twenties still to live.  I'm going to be 29 in May, and absolutely, 100% grown up.  But what does this even mean?  When I was a kid, I used to dream big.  I would tell everyone, anyone who would listen all about my large plans for when I was "all grown up."  I wanted to be an astronaut one day, a pioneer another (yes, I wanted to be a pioneer, someway, somehow), a doctor, a cruise director, the President.  As I got older my dreams changed, things shifted, and I got a degree in English.  I became a teacher.  I couldn't imagine doing this when I was a kid, and it's funny to me to think back to my small self and envision that little me being told of my future: you will go to school in Arizona, get a degree in English, meet your husband, go to grad school, become an English teacher, and then leave work to become a stay at home Mom.  I can only imagine the look I would have given the bearer of this news.  UM, excuse me?  But this is what my future turned out to be.  I couldn't imagine it any other way, and I feel happy and satisfied about this life that I live.  Now with a son, it's interesting to think about his future; what will he "be"? Who will he strive to become? The quote I included at the top of this post was thought provoking to me- I remember all too well those feelings of disbelief that things would ever be different than they are.  Time went by in the blink of an eye though, and looking back it seems like my childhood was over in a rushed breath.  Thinking back to particular moments it seems much slower, but overall time has gone by so very quickly.  Pondering the idea of time has been a regular thing now that Henry is here, and daily I find myself saying things like "time flies," or "where has the time gone?"  The older we get, the more aware of time we become.  Perhaps because there is an imaginary hourglass in our heads, sand falling with every second, or perhaps it's because our days aren't as slow paced as they once were.  Whatever it is, I know now that 28 years has gone by, it's interesting to look back on all of it and then again at where I am now.  Would my 5 year old self be pleased with how I turned out?  Would she look at me and say "hey, you've done a good job"?  Even though I'm not the astronaut, the pioneer, or the President, did I fulfill my dreams in my own way?  Would she be proud?

I think about this a lot, and at this point in my life I have come to a place where I can say yeah, I love where I am, I love who I have become.  28 years later and I think I can finally say this without any exceptions.  Although my life isn't exactly what I envisioned when I dreamed and dreamed as a little girl, I'd say that my "when I grow up" hopes have manifested into something even better. 

So how about you?  What did you want to be "when you grow up"?  Are you there yet?  Are you on your way?  I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments, or if you're inspired feel free to post on this topic and link back here!

As always, thank you for reading. :)

A reminder for myself, and maybe for you too!

I've always known this, maybe more than others, because it's a nasty little habit of mine to feel like I want everyone in my life to be happy.  Over the years though, I've learned that those who try and please everyone please no one, including themselves.  In blogging or creating this is an especially important lesson; whether you have a new blog or you've been blogging forever, it's easy to fall into the trap of wanting to make everyone happy.  You do this though, and it's a surefire way to one, totally hate what you're creating, and two, probably kind of dislike yourself because you're running around ragged trying to gain approval.

The longer I blog the more I realize that I have to keep doing what I love.  Whether I have five readers or five thousand, there is no way to make everyone happy, and I hope I never fall into trying to do so.  Talk about exhausting!  I didn't start this space for everyone else, I started it for me!  Somewhere along the way I've picked up many friends who enjoy this space (and many who don't, too!) and in that big number lies thousands of different people with different interests, likes and dislikes.

I was reminded of this when I put my survey out yesterday.  For those who missed it, I asked six questions: how long you've been a reader, how you found this blog, what time you typically visit, likes, dislikes, and suggestions.  The first three questions' answers were what I was aiming to learn more about, and I was hesitant to ask the more open-ended ones because although I value everyone's opinion, I wasn't planning on changing anything to suit anyone in particular. I was more just curious to see what people thought, and I sure got a lot of thoughts! The results came rolling in very quickly, and it was so interesting to read through all the comments. I found the answers to the likes and dislikes questions the most fascinating, and those two sections were what prompted me to write this entry.

On one line, someone would say how much they loved Tattoo Tuesday, on another, how they hated it and wished I would stop it right this moment.  Someone else said I post too many photos, another, not enough.  Further down the page: I don't write enough personal posts; my posts are too long and wordy.  I'm too happy, I seem fake, or my blog was so real and they appreciated how genuine I was.  In one line I don't post enough; in another, I post too much.  Others talked about how they disliked the "Slice of" posts, some told me that was their favorite feature. Many people said that they come to my blog because they really love the positive energy I put out, one person said it gets on their nerves.  A few comments said that there was too much baby talk going on, and then conversely many others said there wasn't enough.

So you see, out of thousands of people who come here, this was a 100 person cross-section, with incredibly differing opinions.  If I was to listen to every single person, I wouldn't be able to blog about anything.  It's almost humorous how back and forth all of the comments went. I could stop this or that feature to appease those who dislike it, but then I'd upset those who do enjoy it.  I could go in circles with this...but what it comes down to is something I already knew, but only validated by this survey:  I just have to keep doing what I'm doing, and do what makes me happy.  You can never please everyone, and why even try?  What a waste of energy.

This can be applicable in everyday life too, and I've spoken about it before here and in numerous other posts.  You just have to keep doing your thing, stay true to yourself, and not worry about what others may say.  I thought I would share this because I, and maybe you too, could use this reminder.  We can't please 'em all, but if we can please ourselves and be proud of what we put out there, I'd say that's a success!

And before I go, I also wanted to say again how much I enjoyed reading every single comment, both the criticism and the accolades!  I love that you all took the time out of your day to share your opinions with me, and although I won't be changing anything major to suit anyone in particular, I did become inspired to do many of the suggestions sent my way.  :) Oh, and some of you had mentioned how you wished I still had a formspring.  I definitely won't be using that account anymore, but you can always email me and I'd be happy to answer any questions you have!

Have a great day! xo

Sweet 16...a letter to my younger self

Today quite a few of my friends tweeted things to their 16 year old self using the hashtag "#tweetyour16yroldself," and I found this to be incredibly interesting and also pretty thought provoking. Hindsight always seems to be 20/20, and the older I get the more "if I knew then what I know now" seems to apply to everything I've been through.

I was quite the wild-child in high school, so any advice I'd extend to my 16-year old self would have to include something along the lines of "you are not invincible," and "slow down, you're still a baby!" I love all of the experiences I've had in my life, but in my later teen years I do feel like I made some "interesting" decisions...luckily they never affected me in a negative way, and for this I consider myself lucky. I occasionally used to look back with regret, thinking about this or that, but when it comes down to it, every single thing I went through or experienced absolutely made me into the person I am today, as overdone as that line is. But I really believe it.

So, to my 16-year old self, I say this:

You are a wonderful, beautiful person just the way you are. You don't need to feel like you have to prove yourself to anyone, you don't need to feel like you have to live up to anyone's expectations. Like any teenager, you will spend the next few years trying to figure out who you are, and I promise you, at 16 you are not that person yet. Be kind to your parents, they are only trying to protect you and worry about you because they love you. Your Mom will be your best friend in the upcoming years, as hard as that is to picture when you're a temperamental teenager. Remember that you are the company you keep, and although you never get mixed up in the wrong crowd, you will dabble here and there unnecessarily. Stick to the friends you've had forever. The boyfriend you will have at 16 isn't love, so think about that before you convince yourself he's perfect for you. Remember that no one else can define your worth but yourself. You were right to trust your instinct those times that seem so important (they were), so keep doing that. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. Time will go by so quickly and these years will be a distant memory before you know it. Cherish the time you spend with your father, as he teaches you to drive stick shift in the blue Passat, up and down McDowell Road. Later on you'll think back fondly on those seemingly stressful lessons. And speaking of the Passat, remember to take the emergency brake OFF. This will be an issue numerous times, including the evening you and your girlfriends decide to drive it to a desert party, leaving it on all evening. Trust me. Don't forget to tell your sister you love her; it's so easy to get wrapped up in your own life and during these years she needs you now more than ever. Be there for her. Don't ditch Math class so much- bad grades in trigonometry will come back to haunt you in college and you will have to take remedial Math courses to make up for the deficiency. Save yourself the pain! Oh, and if you "happen" to hit a gas pump while driving out of the station, don't just leave! Be a good person and go in and talk to the attendant. This will avoid a huge headache later. Try to work on loving yourself, and pay attention to this one: you are not fat! Looking back now it's laughable to think that you, my little 115 pound 16-year old self ever thought she could lose some weight. Don't let Mom get rid of her vintage Frye boots, and don't throw away your collection of Sassy magazines. Don't pierce your belly button. Twelve years later the hole will still be there, and it will be itchy and annoying when you are pregnant with your first child. And on the topic of your first child: you WILL find love some day. I know it's hard being so young and feeling like you want to feel wanted and loved and part of something...but nothing you find at this age will be worth anything. Wait. Go slow. You are smart to not want to get tied down to anyone so young, and you will meet your other half in due time. He will be better than anything you could ever dream up. I promise. Life will be good to you, you just need to trust in that and try and slow down. And finally, this: believe in yourself. If I can impart any bit of wisdom that I've learned over the past decade, it is that. Give yourself more credit, because you are so fabulously wonderful in all of your teenage naivety. It's a beautiful thing to not know what's next, to not understand this wide, wide world, and that's exactly where you are. Everything will turn out okay. You will cry, you will laugh, you will lose friends and feel like you want to die. You will be depressed. You will be happy. You will have your heart broken, and you will break hearts. You are going to go to college, join a sorority, travel with your best girlfriends, and find adventure. You'll go to grad school. You will meet the love of your life, become a teacher, get married, and have a baby. I know it sounds like a distant fable at this point, but trust me, it only gets better. You think that 16 is great? Try 28. Just hang on, go slow, and breathe. You only get to do it once, and looking back on everything, that ride seems way too short. Above all else, stay positive, stay happy. And have fun!

So yes, that's what I would say to my 16-year old self. How about you? If you decide to write yourself a letter, link back here in the comments if you'd like to share; I'd love to read it! Have the best night, and happy letter-writing if you decide to do it! xoxo

On nasty, anonymous commenters...

{image via weheartit}

What could I possibly say about this topic that hasn't been said a million times? It's funny because a year or two ago, when I received my first mean anonymous comment on this site, all of my blog friends said something along the lines of "congratulations, welcome to the club!" Getting anonymous comments are (unfortunately) par for the course. If you get a few hundred, or a few thousand visitors everyday you can be assured that there is a large handful of those people amidst that big number who probably can't stand you yet still come by to read what you write! It sounds odd, but it's so true. It goes back to number five on my "things I learned in my 20s part one" (click here to read). The point I made there is that not everyone will like you (and that's okay)! Mean comments don't happen very often on this blog, but they do every once and awhile. I don't care about whatever it is they decide to say, but the fact that someone is out there, so worked up and ANGRY...taking so much of their energy to write something nasty...well, that kind of freaks me out. Luckily I'm at a point now where it doesn't get to me. We're all human though, and if you're not in the right mindset, words can definitely hurt even if they aren't true statements- the anger alone can be the upsetting part. Just this week I had an anonymous commenter come and leave a comment, which was ironic because just the day before my friend had gotten a similar, horrible comment on her blog that we had discussed for a bit. I chose to delete the comment and just quickly respond on the post, telling the person not to come back. I'm sure they're still reading, and that's okay (oh heeey rude anon!), but maybe that person has thought a bit about how silly and sad they really sounded, although that's probably a stretch. Opinions are welcome- yes, even negative ones about me- and I of course support everyone's right to say and feel how they want, but when they turn nasty it's just wrong. So with all of this in mind, I just wanted to share a couple of things that have helped me when I've received rude comments.

• Remember that you are dealing with a very sad person behind that anonymous screen. For someone to come willingly to your space on the internet, read what you have to say, and then take the time to leave a rude comment, really takes a lot of negative energy. In the past few years I've gotten away from even reacting to these people and instead it's turned into feeling so, so sad for them. What an unhappy life to want to bring others down, and try and hurt them!

• The happier you are, the more "haters" you will receive. My blog is generally pretty upbeat, I talk about happy topics, use a lot of exclamation points from time to time, post quotes that inspire me, and I make no apologies about leading a life full of love that I am incredibly thankful for. I can imagine this would really annoy some people. You have to remind yourself though that these commenters have come willingly to your blog. Remember that. They have sought you out. Don't let someone else make you feel bad about putting yourself out there, or being happy, just because they're not.

• Also, remember that the internet is just that- the internet. Don't get too wrapped up in what anyone thinks, be it good OR bad. Blogging is fun, but it should be something that enhances your life, not something that becomes your life. I personally like to take a "delete and ignore" stance on anonymous comments- I responded a bit to the person the other day, which I probably shouldn't have, but I went ahead and deleted their rude comment because I didn't want the entire thread to turn into people "defending" me unnecessarily and defeating the whole purpose of what should have been a positive post. Handle the comments however you'd like, but for me, not even allowing them to exist works well. It can be hard not to want to defend yourself, but by doing that you totally are validating the effect and importance of the nasty words. I used to feel like I had to write back to anything rude or unkind. "Fake?! You want to call me fake? How dare you! blah blah blah!" What an epic waste of energy. Instead, just move on.

• And don't forget, the rude person often has some reason for not liking you, your blog, their perception of you, whatever, that has less to do about you, and a LOT more to do about them. That phrase "haters gonna hate" fits pretty perfectly into this- no matter what you do, you can't please everyone, so just worry about your own happiness and wish the best for anyone who decides to try and bring you down to their negative level.
  

Thanks for reading this little list- so much love and happy blogging! :]

10 things I've learned in my 20s, Part 2

Here is the second part to my "10 things I've learned in my 20s" post. You can view part one by clicking here. And don't forget to leave a link in the comments if you make a list of your own; I'd love to read it. This was so fun to write, and it was definitely an introspective, self-growth kind of process. Thanks again for reading!

Just to recap- and again, see part one for the full write up- here are my first five lessons:

1) Never let anyone else make you feel bad about your choices.
2) Get into the habit of working out.
3) Don't be flaky.
4) Do not, do not, do not change yourself to suit a guy.
5) Not everyone will like you.

and the final five...

6) Don't rush. I can't tell you how many times over my teenage and college years I would be thinking of what's next, what's coming in the horizon, what I could look forward to. Looking back, I feel like I always had my mind on the next milestone, plan, weekend, etc. and although I do feel this kind of thinking can be great...I think if you're too caught up in the "next" thing, you're bound to miss a lot. I remember when Hank and I first moved in with each other, in 2005. We rented the tiniest little apartment right downtown. I've mentioned it before, but it was basically a studio, but had a small, closet-like space that fit only a twin bed, with room for nothing else. I can remember in the beginning of that experience I kept talking about our next place, the next thing...and I can remember Hank saying to me, "Just take this in NOW, this is the beginning of us, and we will never be able to go back to these days again." That reminder was all I needed to be more present, and I cherished every single day we spent building the beginning of our life together, twin bed and all. It became our tiny little love nest, and we both look back so fondly on that adorable little apartment every time we walk or drive by it while downtown. I'm lucky I have someone who is so in tune with the important things in life because I would have been so sad had I missed all of it, hoping for the next thing to come along too quickly. And I think that can be applied to anything in life. I'm so happy I followed this advice, and slowly took in the many stages my life has had since that realization- falling in love, getting engaged, moving into different places, planning a wedding and getting married, many trips with my girlfriends and family, milestones for my loved ones, the process of buying our first home, and being pregnant. I feel like I've been so present for each thing, and I am beyond thankful for that.

7) Every single day is a choice to be either positive or negative. This has taken me the longest of all of my lessons to master, but luckily I am pretty much there. There were so many times over the past ten years or so when I would almost choose to be in a bad mood. I knew exactly what I was doing, made the conscious effort to just "give in" to feeling like shit, and instead of trying to cheer myself up I would just fall deeper into negativity. The older I got the more I realized that I control quite a bit in my little world- and although I can't control other people, I can control my reactions to them, in in turn, my mood. I can wake up and decide to have an awesome day, or I can wake up and let little things annoy me and in turn have a bad day. It's all about that first decision.

8) It's okay to let go; people change. Over the past decade of my life I've had lots of friends- high school friends, friends from different places I've worked, college, etc. It's hard when you've been friends with someone for a long time, and then life goes on, and you move on...and the friendship isn't what it once was. It can cause a lot of grief and upset feelings when friends drift apart, but I strongly believe that this is a natural thing that happens and it's best to just let things be as they will be. That's not to say to stop making an effort and let that fall to the wayside, but more so in the case of the "natural drift" (I'm sure you know what I mean). There's a lot of people I care for deeply, but we just aren't as close as we used to be. There aren't hard feelings, there's no weirdness, it's just a mutual understanding that at this time in our lives our relationship has a bit of a different definition. It's funny because sometimes friends come into your life, and then out, and then sometimes they come back in. One of my closest friends, let's call her S., was my best friend for a long time, at the end of college and for years after. We drifted apart a bit, but after I got married we came back into great touch and although we don't talk all of the time, she is one of the most important people in my life and will be an Auntie to our son. I really believe that it's okay for this to happen with friends. I feel like we try to hold on a lot to "what was," or what a relationship used to be, but in reality, everything is always changing- people, circumstances, friendships...so it seems only natural that if two people don't change in the same way, things will shift. You can accept it, keep loving your friend, and know that in time everything works itself out just as it should. Everything has a season, and whether that season is for a year or a lifetime, it's okay.

9) It's not that big of a deal. Have you ever been through something terrible, and while it was going on you thought to yourself, "Oh my god, this is the WORST. How am I ever going to get through this?!" I'm sure you've had moments like that, I've had my fair share like I'm sure everyone has. This lesson is only learned after going through this horrible, bad thing, and coming out on the other side. I can think of so many instances that seemed like it was the end of the world for me. In my early twenties, I can think of some seemingly life-changing moments- breaking up with a boyfriend, having drama with a friend, getting into a fight with my parents, failing a "huge" test...and guess what? In the span of things, time goes by, and all of these instances that seemed so big and life altering are just bumps in the road, lessons to be learned, and memories, as your present becomes your past. It's good to live in the moment and to feel those emotions, but always keep in the back of your mind that you've been there before, and you'll be there again...this too shall pass. Thinking this helps me see the big picture when I think that things just can't get worse, or when I feel down in the dumps. For every up there is a down, and vice versa. It's just the way it goes. Accepting this, and knowing that it WILL get better is key.

10) Don't let anyone else's definition of happiness/success/life make you question your own definition of those things. This is the last lesson on my list, and I think it's the most powerful lesson of all that I've learned. Similar to my number one lesson, but still different in its own right. No matter what you do in life, no matter who you surround yourself with, there is always going to be someone who doesn't understand why you choose to do what you do, why you've chosen a certain career, partner, passion, or life path (hell, you can even add to that list outfit, tattoo, or sandwich at lunch!). Sometimes these people can be your parents, your friends, or even someone you don't know at all. Maybe you're a musician who has a dream of touring around the country in a van, with four of your best friends. Maybe you want to be an artist, but your parents think you should be a doctor. Maybe you are happy working, and college isn't for you. Or maybe you want to GO to college, but your friends think that's lame. Who knows. But someone will always have an opinion and someone will always NOT understand how on earth you could be HAPPY doing what you're doing. That's because they are imposing their definition of happiness onto you, even though you are totally different people with totally different goals and hopes and dreams. Even at this point in my life, when old classmates or friends find out that I won't be "using" my Bachelor's and Master's degree and will instead be staying home to raise and take care of my family, they are shocked. They don't "get" how I could be happy doing that. And they don't get it because again, it goes against THEIR idea of happiness. Hank traveled in and out of the country right out of high school with his band Life in Pictures, and a lot of his family didn't get it. When I started dating Hank and he was gone for months at a time, and some of my friends didn't get it. They were appalled that he could "leave me like that," but again, they could never really get it because they have different ideas of what happiness is. Believe me when I tell you that if you worry about what ANYONE thinks when you are making big life decisions, you will never be happy. You can't go to law school to please a parent, and you shouldn't not join the Peace Corps, start a small business, or fall in love with who you love just to please another person. How are you supposed to live an entire life (hello, you only get one!) for someone else? You have to follow your idea and definition of success and I guarantee you will find happiness in whatever that may be. Granted, the journey of actually finding your happiness is another topic for another day, but following your heart is a good start. ;)

I also thought I'd include 10 "smaller" things that I've learned along the way -

1) People really are the company they keep.
2) If someone talks shit about everyone, it's pretty probable they talk shit about you too.
3) Negativity is contagious.
4) Follow your gut, it's usually right.
5) Mean girls are just sad, insecure girls. Don't let them affect you.
6) Stop comparing yourself to others. There will always be someone smarter, prettier, luckier, etc.
7) Quality over quantity is a good rule for most everything.
8) It's NEVER too late to make a change in your life.
9) The grass isn't always greener.
10) Do wild and crazy things/take spontaneous trips/fall in love a million times while you're young, you'll be in a different place in your life before you know it, and all of these things either a) won't seem appealing or b) won't be possible. And experiencing a multitude of these things are important things to learn from and to be able to look back on as you build your life in your late twenties and thirties.

10 things I've learned in my 20s, Part 1

I've been thinking a lot about life lately. Normally I'm quite the thinker anyway, but most recently I've been musing over the past years of my life, taking inventory of the great people in it, and contemplating a lot of different things. Perhaps it's a symptom of pregnancy, although I'd say it's most likely from the overall huge change I'm about to go through. With all of these thoughts milling around in my head, I started to think about all the things I've learned while on this wild ride of my 20s. I think it's safe to say that this decade has included some of the most defining years of my life. I'm not quite done with it yet- I won't turn 30 for another two years, but I'd say that being 28 and looking back is quite the trip. With that said, I'd love to share the top 10 things I've learned (so far). And I invite YOU to make a list on your blog, and link back here. It's such a good exercise to evaluate where you've been; I think that's the only way to see where you're going. So, without further adieu, here is the first part of things I've learned during these life-changing years, some big and some small. I'll publish the second installment one week from today.

1) Never let anyone else make you feel bad about your choices. Throughout both my college years and afterward, I've never really been one to go along with the crowd, even though I've often surrounded myself with those who are more middle of the road people- nothing too extreme, nothing too "out there." And that's not a bad thing at all- I'd consider some of my closest friends to be like that, but throughout my life, especially in my 20s, I've made choices that don't always follow the normal grain of what "everyone else was doing." I've done all sorts of things that people haven't understood. When I was vegan right out of college many of my friends and even my family thought it was very strange. I found myself defending my choices more often than not, and I would often let it get to me. When I decided to get tattooed it was a huge issue, not only with some of my family, but some of my old friends. They didn't understand, or would pretend to, but call me their "tattooed friend," which to me was more offensive and annoying than anything else. Some of them are still this way and it is incredibly irritating, but at this point I couldn't care less what anyone thinks about it. Back then I DID care though, and I would get uncomfortable when we'd go on girl's trips, being the odd one out amidst my completely untattooed sorority sisters. It took me a long time to realize that people questioned decisions I made that went against the norm because it made them uncomfortable. It really had nothing to do with me, but it was more so about themselves, and their judgments. I had to let go of not only worrying about what people thought, but also accepting that judgmental people will never, ever change. And because I will never be a "normal" person who always does the easy thing, who takes the safe or quiet route simply to fit in, I will never fit into these kind of people's lives. I don't need to let them affect me. I don't need to let their uncomfortableness with my choices bother me. That's giving them too much power. So I simply choose to not allow people like that into my life. Lesson learned.

2) Get into the habit of working out. This is something I already knew, and always had done, both from being around my athletic parents, and also being a competitive athlete myself. It was ingrained in my from day one that activity equals happiness, whether it be dance or sports or just getting outside and taking a walk. And because I already know this and have always done this, I feel extra qualified and to say that this is something I have learned to be true even more, from seeing others NOT do it. I'm telling you, it only gets harder the older you get. It's not even about losing weight- it's about building a healthy body for your later years; making sure you have strong bones that age well, and a million other beneficial things for you mind, body, and spirit. If you aren't someone who was an athlete or who worked out when you were younger, it's never too late, but with every passing day you are losing one more day of getting healthy. I feel that fitness is one of the most important lessons I've learned throughout these years, because I've felt the positive effects of it. It's helped me with depression issues I've had, it's assisted my immune system in helping me rarely get sick, and it's given me confidence in my body. Unfortunately, I've also seen the negative side from older people I know who never worked out. As you get older you will start to feel those negative effects if you're not active, so I say why not get started in your 20s? Go for a walk, pop in a pilates dvd...do this for YOU. Build that healthy foundation for the rest of your life.

3) Don't be flaky. I used to be such a flaky teenager it was horrible. And I'm probably giving myself too much credit- I was the same way throughout my early 20s as well. The minute I would make plans I would start to feel just a little uncomfortable, and more often than not I would find myself breaking plans and finding something "better" to do, spur of the moment of course. I'm not sure why I hated feeling so tied down back then, because now I love and thrive on planning. But it was bad. I would flit from one friend to the next, constantly busy but never really committing. In high school, one of the year-end senior awards I received was "Social Butterfly" (another was "Party Animal" believe it or not but let's not even go there). In rose-colored hindsight I'd like to think it was because I was friends with everyone and was always happily getting along with many different groups (which I was), but it had more to do with the fact that I probably appeared to be a little butterfly because I hate-hated being too tied down to anything, person, plan or group! In my 20s I learned how rude it is to make and break plans, or to make new friends and then move on to a newer, "shinier" friend when the occasion arose. When I met my dear friends Autumn and Shirley, who are probably the most reliable people you'll ever know, I realized how great it is to be able to have friends you can always count on, and that's when things began to change. Sure, over the next few years I would revert back to being a bit flaky, but as time went on, I became more dependable, and around 21 or 22 I was someone you could count on. And this, I felt, was something to be proud of. Lo and behold, I met Hank right around that time and he was the most dependable guy I'd ever met, helping me become who I am today.

4) Do not, do not, do not change yourself to suit a guy. Oh goodness. I think we've all made this mistake before, but luckily I made them early enough that I learned my lesson in the early part of my 20s. I realized though, that if you are not yourself from the get-go, any hint of a charade that you put on will absolutely wear off, and where does that leave you? Who does that leave you with? I'll tell you who: with a guy who doesn't even know or like the real you, and you resenting yourself for not being yourself! If you aren't your true, authentic YOU from day one when dating, you cannot expect any relationship to ever work out. There were too many times when I was younger where I would date someone and slightly tone myself down a bit- maybe I'd dress a little more this way, or not do this or that...but it would be a slight variation of myself. UGH! What an embarrassing mistake. When I met Hank, I had already learned this lesson. The year before I had dated a guy for about 6 months and in a way, I think I "lost" myself. I didn't realize it until we broke up, but it had definitely happened. Before Hank even came into the picture I had already resolved to myself and to my girlfriends that that would never happen again. So with Hank I was my quirky, silly self from day one, and guess what? He loved the real me...and still does. ;)

5) Not everyone will like you. Oh, this is such an important lesson. And a hard one for me to swallow, but I've definitely learned it. It's important to understand that it is absolutely impossible for every single person to like you or enjoy your company. Just like some people rub you the wrong way, it can go the same way for others when they think of you. Like I said, this was a hard one for me to learn because I inherently want everyone to get along, and I of course want to be liked, like anyone else. It wasn't until I was out of college and into the "real world," that I experienced someone disliking me for no reason. I luckily had never experienced "mean girls" throughout my entire life, so this was something new to me. There was this particular girl, and she just hated me. She would call me fake, snobby, the list went on and on. She would talk about me to others, say things about me online. And the kicker was, I didn't even know her. It would baffle me to no end. Why was this acquaintance, this mutual friend of a friend, so enraptured with disliking me? I would try to be nice to her when I saw her, but to no avail. Finally I had to realize that wow, this sour, negative girl just doesn't like me. And IT'S OKAY. From there I realized that there were probably other people who really disliked me, and I began to accept that that that is just the way of the world. I also observed that the happier or more successful I became, the more that "those" type of people disliked me! I'm sure it's the same way with you, and it's often just the way it goes. Negative people exist. And that's okay. I just had to learn that they won't change, and being a people-pleaser is NOT good. In the end you have to do what is best for you. Trying to be liked, trying to play all sides of the field, this is not a good way to live your life. And bringing this into the present, since I've been blogging I've of course received various rude comments, both via this site and formspring. It doesn't bother me at all anymore, because I know that it's just the way it goes. Not everyone will like me, and that's quite alright. Definitely a good lesson to be learned.

So, those are the first five "things I've realized in my 20s," with 5 more to come in a week! Like I said above, I'd love for you to make your own list on your blog, and link us here in the comments. Maybe you're 20, 25, 35, etc. What have you learned so far in your life that you've found profound? It can be something small, something huge, or anything in between. I'd love to see your list, so feel free to share, and be sure to check back next week for the second part.

Have a great night everyone! So much love. xoxo